Lexicat makes a very good point. Accepting the truth of who your AH is, is not making a choice about whether you want to stay with him or leave him.
It is a very important step in facing the reality - for better or worse- about what your life is like living with him. I think we all have to get to the point of being brutally honest with ourselves about what is really going on with our partners before we can make grounded decisions about ourselves and our future.
So, this current step is accepting your AH for who he truly is NOW. This may be who he will always be. And, if his alcoholism progresses, this may be the best he'll ever be.
I think the next step is putting him totally aside in your thinking. So far that you pretend he doesn't even exist.
Then, what do YOU want for you? Who do you want to be? How do you want to live? What would true freedom mean to you?
And then, what relationships, living conditions, environment would support your freedom to be who you want?
And for your son, too.
These are very hard questions, and for me, they broke apart the way I had been thinking for many years. You're doing this with courage, and it will take as long as you need. With you all the way,
ShootingStar1