lizatola

So, I finally realized that I truly was trying to get bread at the hardware store. You all told me that was the case, I knew it deep down too. I'm finally coming to grips with the fact that my AH and I will always have a relationship that will not have deep sharing of emotions, feelings, faith, etc. My AH had told me in marriage counseling that he shuts down or gets angry when I share deep stuff such as my pain, emotions, hurt, etc. Yet I didn't listen to him.

Every time I try to make my voice heard, I get shut down in one form or another. It's taken me all this time to realize that I truly was looking for bread at the hardware store. DUH! Now, my question is: can I live peaceably like this? Will this marriage really fulfill me for the rest of my life, even if he finds recovery and makes some changes? I guess my answer is that I'm still taking things one day at a time. I'm also really working on acceptance. I still was fighting the fact that my AH lies. Period. He just does, he lies to me, to our son, to the cops, to the judge most recently, etc. It's part of who he is, and I need to learn to accept it, or move on. DUH. Yes, another lightbulb went off in my head.

For now, AH is making good changes and is amiable and things are actually OK(not great, but OK and I see glimpses of who I married those many years ago). The catch is that I have to avoid touchy subjects and relationship issues, drinking related topics, etc. Maybe that won't be the case forever, maybe it will be. Back to taking things one day at a time. Anyway, I just wanted to share that I finally think that the bread at the hardware store thing is finally sinking in! I'm a slow learner!