doing ok on day 2
Hello. I apologize in advance for the length.
My alcohol background: In dec of 08, day after xmas eve I was taken to the er and diagnosed with congestive heart failure. I was 28 at the time and drinking close to a rack of beer a day. I was misdiagnosed with the flu a month earlier and turned out to be viral pneumonia; probably caused by my drinking. I was married and had a two year old at the time and dr’s told me I would not live to see my son make it to high school. A month later my wife filed for divorce. I felt hopeless.
A year later and not even thinking about a drip of beer I made a recovery from CHF, lost 65lbs, and had an amicable divorce with my ex and joint custody of our son. I felt like a million bucks, so thankful for another chance at life; and a healthy happy one. But shortly after that year mark I had that one glass of wine that I thought would be ok. It snowballed to having a half bottle, two, then fifth of vodka, and recently almost 2 fifths.
My current wife, whom I was lucky to marry last summer, calls me a “highly functional alcoholic”. I’m good shape, exercise, swim, play basketball, and eat very healthy therefore I thought drinking like I did was ok. Recently a monumental event occurred that made me decide to give it up for good and after being sober for two days I’ve realized all the stupid things I’ve done that I didn’t notice before. I sat my Wife and Son down Tues as I recovered from a morning of drinking and told them it’s done. Maybe when I get the guts and don’t feel so ashamed I will share down the road what that event was.
Day one I was terrified. I’ve spent hours on SB since Tuesday reading all the posts wondering what to expect during withdrawals. My wife’s a Dr. so I felt comfortable detoxing at home and so far its been good. Day one I had a combo of goose bumps then hot flashes over and over. Little irritability or less then when I’m drinking my wife says. Cravings were the worst about when I started to drink every day. At one point I tried to convince my wife that I should wean myself off it because it would be dangerous but she could see I wasn’t shaking or having panic attacks. I was worried all day I would hop in the car or search for one of my many hidden bottles. Instead I combed the whole house and dumped everyone. Had 2 hrs of terrible sleep. I was hot then cold all night. Sweating then freezing. Food tasted off.
Day two: This morning I felt actually good. Different. A feeling I haven’t had in years. Goose bumps and hot flashes gone. I was doing simple everyday tasks with ease and not getting annoyed. Instead of skipping breakfast because it was too much of an effort I did it quickly then cleaned up quickly. I didn’t get annoyed by the dog staring at me for his morning kibble. Shaving wasn’t a chore this morning. After reading the “what to expect” post I am very surprised but I know it won’t be that easy and that makes me nervous. I hope it stays this way and gets better but I’m ready to fight.
Little things you notice are make me nervous. As I get off the treadmill for a walk today I find myself reaching for that glass of vodka and water that usually is with me as I work out. Yeah, I worked out and drank. Even played competitive basketball and drank. Bike ride and drink. I reached for my vodka water in the shower, wasn’t there. Those are the scary moments for me. I did so many things with my drink and I’m going to have to do them again without it. I miss it as I type as I know it would be arm’s length from me but I hate it more. I haven’t felt this way (even if its just a good day from withdrawals) in 5 years and its funny only now can I remember that year of sobriety and how much happier I was. Thank you for letting me share.