Originally Posted by Mracoa

I still struggle with identifying when the old tapes are playing and when there is something my gut is trying to tell me about a situation. I've been fighting depression for years now. Really just aware of the battle for the past year.

I often worry that people use me. Tell me one thing to keep me passive or in 'their' corner. But are not sincere about it. They are just putting on a front to string me a long, and smirking behind my back about how good a job they are doing at manipulating me.

Unfortunately, sometimes people actually do this. I want to let go of that fear. If people disappoint, it's a reflection on them, not me.

But I still struggle with the feelings. A big part of that is the fear of abandonment. If I don't please them, they will find that I am no longer useful and they will leave.

It's getting better in that I am aware of these feelings. I understand their source and I can choose not to react as I would have in the past (Getting angry as a way to express my fear). I talk through specific situations in therapy and in my ACA group. Those have become safe places I can express the fear without creating havoc in my relationships.

I hope to get to a point that I can dismiss the feelings when they come, but I'm not there yet.