Hopeless
I have been "trying" to get sober for over 10 years, I have never actually stuck with anything. I am desperate, I don't drink every day in fact, I usually go a week or so not drinking and feel amazing, and then for some reason I decide to drink and I absolutely can not stop, and then I will drink the next day to feel better and again not stop, and then I fall into a horrible depression because of the guilt, which is of course where I am at right now. I just want to break this horrible cycle, I feel on top of the world when I am sober, but it never lasts, and then I drink and I feel like I am the biggest loser that ever walked the earth. I just feel so incredibly sad and hopeless. my whole family is suffering especially my children, I am the best mom when i am sober and when I drink I am the worst mom, its disgusting. Because of the kids I cannot find a way to go to meetings, I cannot find any with babysitting in my area (Buffalo, NY). Any advice?