Hey there MB, welcome!
I went down that same road: moved to vodka, hid it from the girlfriend, drank mornings on weekends, the whole nine yards.
One thing you said: "I don't have terrible symptoms when I don't drink", but you followed that with a pretty uncomfortable sounding side effect. I remember those nights too, breaking out in a cold sweat. Eventually I had withdrawl seizures when I traveled to a family gathering for a few days and didn't drink. At the time I was 37, and by all other accounts very in-shape and healthy and boom these seizures out of the blue almost killed me.
My advice to you: come clean to yourself about your alcoholism, and take steps to start learning how to cope with this situation. You can't 'manage' this or just tone it down after some time off. This is for good. In my experience I was wrestling with my addictive brain on this for a long time. You know you need to quit but deep down the booze is the ONE THING you are not prepared to give up. Being consciously aware of your addiction often provides a real back-and-forth internal battle with the addiction, it's a lot to wrestle with. Learning coping skills on how to deal with this helps a lot.
And hey, coming to this place helps too. It's not all 'downer' stories, we celebrate accomplishments with just as much emphasis! Enjoy the forum and congrats on your start!