No big surprise, I am an addict. That is the first time I have ever actually used that sentence and it doesn't feel very good. I am the person with the addiction that no one suspects. I have a master's degree, a great husband, three very healthy and happy children. My life is perfect.
But three years ago my life fell apart. My husband divorced me. I found myself a single mother with two children, a full time job, a caregiver for my best friend dying of ALS, and getting my masters degree. I realized I felt better when I took opiates of any kind, and I did what I had to get them. Faked injuries, bought them off the street, etc. I found an internet source and have been taking them for about two years. I believed that they made me a better mother, and that I needed them to cope with my life. I finished my degree, ended up meeting a wonderful man. I kept telling myself I would quit tomorrow, next week, etc. But I didn't. I even had another baby, who is healthy and wonderful. I took tramadol everyday while I was pregnant and thank God my baby is fine. I hate myself for risking her health and well being. Not being able to quit while i was pregnant really proves how much of an addict I am. But no one knows! No one has figured it out. And I want to STOP
So I have been weaning myself and now I am in the home stretch. I feel like crap, but I don't want to lose the life I have built for myself. The drugs will ruin everything and I will end up back where I started. So I joined this forum for support. And want to find NA meetings too. I guess I need encouragement from others who have been where I am. I don't want to hit rock bottom (again). I have to do this for my family and for myself. That's all...thanks for taking the time to read this.