Originally Posted by
Lulu39 
The thread was about "How to have a healthy marriage in AA and Al anon". A marriage is between two people.
Fair enough.
Hammer, do you feel that you have a real and true marriage with your wife?
Real and True? Gotta love those places. Been praying to be there -- Part of My Happy Land list.
Direct and sincere answer -- I feel that . . . We are a mess.
So I do welcome your or others' insights and corrections.
Mrs. Hammer tried to short circuit rehab upfront by cutting the time too short (3 weeks instead of the recommended 4 or more), and when they realized they "botched" her, they sent her out half-baked, telling us all to lie to her and tell her she was fine.
Went downhill. Way downhill, from there.
For my part, I have been doing Alanon with a passion, and getting our daughter to Alateen. But even the 8 and 5 year old have been harmed.
The lying stuff has been dizzying.
I do understand that perhaps you were sharing a lighter side regarding how you and your child cope with your wife's addictions and mental illness. It is probably healthier than perhaps you having a co-dependent rage.
The rage around our house gets so much generated, owned and dominated by Mrs. Hammer, that we really do not get to have any, ourselves. A good part of the interaction is towards "Do Not Make Momma Mad."
The closer dynamic that is created is Fear. The kids Fear Mrs. Hammer, at this point. And that which we Fear, we often grow to Hate. The comedy relief is more towards -- That Which You Can Laugh At, You Need Not Fear. So we laugh at the illness and try to love the person.
Not a perfect world nor perfect plan, but in the Hurricane, you work with what you can.
I have an AXH and am a mother of three, teens. My AXH is an alcoholic and a drug addict. He has also been diagnosed with a depressive illness but he chooses to do nothing about it. That's why I'm here.
Understood. Ours seems to come closer to another, but closely aligned illness, described here >>>
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-thread.html
I am lucky that my teenagers do. I think it's possibly more to do with them doing martial arts training 3 times a week and learning humility and respect and manners in the Dojo than anything deep and philosophical I ever said or any Ala-teen brochure they ever bothered to read.
I can highly recommend martial arts for kids of addicts. The teachers and the advanced students are fantastic role models for what it means to be healthy in mind, body and spirit.
Understood. Mrs. Hammer was/is a Black Belt from back in the day. Our 8 y.o. son thought he was interested, but maybe not.
And you are correct, that does not always align with AA/Alanon/Alateen. The Alateen folks direct advice (as much as do not really give direct advice) is to actively NOT listen to mom's crazy rants, "voices," and all the rest. Not about humble nor respect in this realm as much as Survive, Evade, Escape.