Thanks for your honesty Non, can relate to so much of it, my mind is thinking in overdrive when im tempted to drink- I have been known to walk up and down the same street to a bar over ten times 'trying' to make a decision. I do feel insane in those moments and my heart is racing, it proves to me that I am ill with this and am quite sure a non-alcoholic doesn't think or behave in this over thinking way.
Im still struggling after a bad bank holiday weekend. That first cold pint sat in the sun in a beer garden wasn't even enjoyable- my brain was already racing ahead thinking where to go next, how many can I get away with, shall I have a cider next- so similar to your thoughts in that first bar. Good luck friend.