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Old 05-08-2013, 07:59 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Threshold
Grateful to be free
 
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Welcome back!

The goal is abstinence and recovery. If you can do that with no slips or relapse, it's preferable, more comfortable and all that good stuff. Some people relapse, but it isn't a sign that they can't and won't recover. Planning a relapse is like planning to fail a course. Yeah, you can take the course over, but if you don't have to fail in the first place, of course that is better. I mean, what kind of wicked crush would you have to have on the prof that you'd PLAN to fail just so you could spend more time in that long, awful, course?

But if you keep working, you'll get sober, stay sober and earn your freedom.

That's the thing that is hard to keep our eye on, but as a teacher, clearly you've done a lot of schooling, so I think you will understand this analogy.

Remember being in school...and looking out past graduation? Some people are chomping at the bit, cannot wait to get out there and LIVE, take that degree and take on the world. Others are scared. They like school, they know school. If they could stay in school and take courses forever and not ever really have to take on the world...they would.

For some of us booze is school, and while part of us wants recover, we are also terrified of life beyond school...not sure we can handle it. Not sure we want to handle it. Relapse keeps us from having to graduate and take on the world. What we don't see is that in recovery we actually change so that we are equipped to take on the world and enjoy it! What seems impossibly scary now, is actually awesome once we get there. It's not a case of ok, stopped drinking, next day get out there and conquer the world. It's a process and it works. But so often we let the fear stop us because we can't believe that we will be ready when the time comes.

There is that act of hope and faith, and it was one of the hardest parts for me. That is why SR has been such a help to me. Reading the experiences of so many people I simply could not ignore the fact that if they could do it, so could I. I am not that different. I am afraid of life, of reality, of feelings, of failure. But life is so much more and has so much more to offer than a pile of things for me to hide from. And in recovery I am learning to live. I don't want to have to keep taking the "active addiction" course just so I can avoid life. I'd rather take the recovery course, and equip myself to live.
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