I know your thinking, Amanda, I've done the same thing. The thing is, once you actually go through with it (which I have), you still feel terrible. As a matter of fact, after my last relapse (although I don't know if I was sober long enough for it really to be considered a "relapse"), I didn't want to tell anyone. I didn't post about it on here. I still haven't even picked up a white chip at an AA meeting because I feel like the people at the meeting I go to will say, "ANOTHER ONE?" I realize I have to try to change that thinking of "oh, one more night of drinking, no big deal". I know, there's a part of me that still thinks that way. I've used that excuse up. One more night may or may not be a big deal, but it became a big deal for me because I kept doing it over and over, and it ended up many more nights of drinking.