Overwhelmed and looking for guidance
My name is Angie and today I will be attending my 3rd AA meeting. It have been sober for just 2 days and today has been very difficult. I have been feeling irritable and lonely. I actually feel like I have lost one of my best friends if that makes any sense.
I am so tired of having a crutch something that I am tied to each and everyday. I am tired of the cycle that my family has been going through. I was at my AA meeting yesterday wondering how on earth could I be sitting there when as a child I used to attend Alanon meetings because of my father and brother and a long list of alcoholic relatives. I am tired of craving that glass of wine and wishing my days away so that it could be 415 so that I could have that first drink and continue drinking till I blacked out almost every night.
AA seems very overwhelming to me but I have been told "just keep coming" that today I need to stand up and introduce myself and get some numbers and a sponsor and allow to be guided How on earth do I stand up and admit to what I am. I feel I cant do it. I know I am but how do I say it...I don't want to live one more day being tied to my addiction. I don't want it for my children as I remember being their age (11, 8 and 7 ) and now my father has been living with cirrhosis and kidney failure. Even at those ages I remember him drinking Actually he always drank up until he got sick and was told if he continued to drink for 2 more weeks he would die and it would be painful. I don't want to get to that point.
I just am so afraid and scared as how am I going to get there...
Any advice anyone can give me would be so greatly appreciated.
Angie