Freedom from this?
Hi. I am an alcoholic. Plain and simple. 32 year old female that has literally destroyed my life with alcohol. I have never been to rehab. I have done Outpatient stuff, therapy, AA and nothing really seems to last as I always go back. I have literally nothing in my life. I called my dad for the millionth time drunk again last night. He hung up on me.
Thing is, I went finally to check out a Sober Living place for women. I really liked it yesterday and thought this is what I need. I came home and got totally intoxicated.
The reason I went to the sober living place is because last week I got intoxicated and made a scene amongst my roommates. It wasnt the first time and my landlord asked me to go.
I have hardly no money--no job--no friends and no family here. I am almost at the point of skid row. I am posting just to vent as I am so mad at myself.
I have drank at night past 3 days in a row which is a first for me. Its like you would think that with all these bad consequences I would not do it but I do it again and again. I have noticed that somehow over past 6 months my desire to drink more frequently and more often is going up--which lends me to believe its progressive.
I truly want sobriety....I am nervous about this sober living place but I sorta feel like it's my last chance.
How do I deal with the embarrassment and shame of all my broken promises to people? I shutter at how mad my dad is. And he lives 1000 miles away. I called him to tell him I am going to a sober house DRUNK! I am sick of apologizing to people. Maybe I will just let it be.
IDK. I just need reassurance.