First Day I've Honestly Accepted
I had a brain injury caused by accumulative effects of cocaine. To facilitate healing the hospital recommended one year abstinence from all substances. Though difficult, I wholly accepted the year and told myself "well, if you don't have a problem with alcohol, there should be no trouble giving it up for a year." I gave up smoking after 15 years of a steady habit, which I never thought I could do.
The last two days have been very special - maybe it was my higher power or maybe it was just my rational subconscious (whatever the opposite of my addict voice) but last night I just realized "nope, that's it, for all substances, forever." I was resisting and bargaining and making justifications for why that doesn't have to be the case, but I'm 34 and drug addiction nearly killed me. Through tears my mom explained what it was like for her to think about planning my funeral - who would do the eulogy? I was the writer and public speaker in the family.
I realized all at once that my career of mind altering substances had ended, and for the first time I was actually OK with that. I won't go so far as to say I was happy about it, but I can see how, in time, I will be. If only to ensure that my mother never has to come close to experiencing anything like that.
I hope everyone has the pleasure of a 48 hour period like I have had, it feels really good.
Brian