oh how i can relate. my life drinking was nothing but dama and chaos. when i got into AA i leanred i was addicted to it! it took quite some time to get it from my head to my heart that living that was was a wee bit insane. it took T.I.M.E. for me to start to love serenity and avoid drama and chaos.
its happened for us, it will happen for you. may not be in your time, but it will happen. just dont drink and work the steps and that spiritual awakening will happen.