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As I got a bit older I didn't go out much and only drank at home alone. If I did go out with others to dinner or an event I would not drink even if those with me were getting tanked. And, if I was away visiting for a week or two I didn't drink. It was my dirty little secret.
It's a personal journey but I believe for the most part a lot of us had (or ended up having) a lot of the same feelings after drinking excessively. Shame, guilt, anxiety, fear, self disgust, remorse....
I identify with these statements completely.
Thanks for posting the video - I do believe in God but I need to believe that I am in the driver's seat in my recovery or it doesn't work for me. AVRT has been life changing in that regard.