My RABF is 5+ months out of treatment and in recovery. The first couple of months were weird, I wasn't sure where we stood. I learned through counseling and AlAnon to give him space and time to find his way.
He goes to AA 6 days a week, has a counselor who specializes in addiction recovery, meets with his Sponsor once a week, and does step work. He also works, and tries to find time for exercise. His plate is full. I go to AlAnon twice weekly, meet with my Sponsor, work full time, and keep my exercise routine. My plate is not as full as his, but full enough for me. Many days we don't see each other until 7pm, and we're both tired by then.
Coming up on 6 months sober, I am now wanting more time for us. We have a great counselor (also has a specialty in addiction) who helps us through these next steps. I made it clear that I don't want to interfere with his recovery, but I need to feel I am somewhere on his schedule. We have agreed to a designated date night each week. That is all I need for now. Baby steps.
I think each of us focusing on ourselves benefits the relationship at the end of the day. I realize how I contributed to the chaos, and have worked hard to change what I can in my behaviors. He has realized that he has to stay focused at all times, or risk returning to the hell that was his life.
Perhaps you could find a counselor with a background/specialty in addictions? Any local treatment program could give you names. I think it helps to have that 3rd party facilitate communication in these early days. I would also suggest giving it a little more time, the timeline is different for everyone. Some days I'm just grateful that he's sober and we're living peacefully together. Progress....not perfection.
