It's so hard to start to get better, but here you are. Recognizing that you don't like where you are now in life is the first step to digging yourself out of the hole. It may seem like an impossible task, but you CAN do it. First thing you have to do is stop using. You already know that. It took me losing my home, job, and physical well being to finally realize that I was making every excuse to continue to use. You are in the right place!