Worn down
Hi All,
As the title says, I'm just worn down. I haven't been sleeping well, or sleeping at all.
I'll give a bit of background and maybe someone may have some advise.
I get intrusive thoughts, I was taking lexapro for them. I felt that the meds weren't doing a lot so I decided not to take them anymore. I was fine, not great but i was managing.
Whenever i consume alcohol all the intrusive thoughts just go away, and I am happy, it's great. I always seem to get wasted and have blackouts though. I wake up the next day in a living hell - intrusive thoughts, depression, insomnia for about three-days.
So to cope for the next few days, while the intrusive thoughts and the depression returned to a manageable level, at night I would watch porn, and mb to self medicate.
I had a lot to drink last wknd, and haven't slept well all week. I've also been having bad palpitations at night. I've started to walk, and go to the gym to try and lift my mood, but while I am getting fitter, these intrusive thoughts, anxiety and insomnia won't subside.
I guess my question is: Is my alcohol dependence/abuse causing ocd, or is my ocd causing alcohol dependence abuse??
Anyway, I would like a few external opinions, I have been through this in my head so many times that I'm starting to not care anymore.
Cheers