Originally Posted by
ShootingStar1 
What I have discovered is that, for me, emotional time is not linear.
What I mean by that is I will deal with my feelings of hurt, or anger, or abandonment, or grief and get through to some important insight. Then a new incident happens, and I again feel the same intensity of my initial feelings of anger or grief as if I hadn't processed them.
It is as if time looped back and I retouched the initial fierce feelings as intensely as if they were the first time.
This makes me think of what they say happens with alcoholics. If they finally stop drinking and go for some time sober and then start again, it is not like starting like a new drinker. They pick up where they left off so it's very intense very fast and continues to progress rapidly.
I have started to think of my emotional relapses in the same way that A's relapse. I just have a different obsession right now - my husband. And I have to not "pick up" my substance by calling him, texting him, driving by his hotel, etc. or let myself get sucked into anything he's doing.
Trying to break the pattern of thinking about him is my may focus right now. Or rather, as my sponsor and I talked about, letting him go...because telling myself to not think about him is like telling myself don't think of a pink elephant. Too late -- I already am!
I have to be vigilant working my al anon program in the same way they have to be with their aa program of they are really committed to recovery. How committed am I to my recovery!? I can't keep letting myself lapse into emotional meltdowns as a result of indulging in my obsession.
Will be meditating on steps 1, 2, and 3 today... xo
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