No honestly it was about the money. I've gone down this road before with him where weeks go by and then he pops out of nowhere and gives me something back I left there or once paid me back for money I spent on something. I thought he would probably pay me back eventually. In my mind at the time I was trying to just prevent weeks going by and having to deal with it later. I didn't want it hanging over my head or wondering or thinking about it. It may not have been the smartest way to deal with it but that's what was going through my head. Again I've been down this road before with him and know how he operates.
Now that I'm thinking about I just had another light bulb go on. It's been a pattern. We break up, he's on drugs, he waits to get drugs out of system, stays clean for a few weeks or maybe a few months at best, then he pops up out of blue and claims how much better he feels and here's the money or belongings I owe you. It happened after Mother's Day last year. Me like the fool believes great you seem so normal so happy so healthy. Then I jump head in. I guess if I felt more secure about my choices with him I wouldn't have worried about him paying me back weeks or months from now. I was trying to avoid a situation in the future.
Doesn't make alot of sense does it? I'm seriously admitting a weakness. But does it feel better now? No. Not one bit.