Yep, Addiction is like that. I have done the EXACT same thing...I didn't 'crumble' so to speak of..just a simple impulse that I could drink and 'Handle it'....but the problem is that when 'I' drink, 'I' become impaired and the ADDICTION gets in control...then as I drink more, the ADDICTION is in control, not ME anymore...and that is SCARY...because 'I' am no longer in control, but 'I' suffer the consequences...WHATEVER may happen while the ADDICTION is in control...VERY SCARY..that is why I agree with your conclusion...better to never feed that hidden monster inside me again...'I' can't take that risk again, because I may not be able to recover from the consequences if there ever was a 'next time'.
As a side note, have you done the AVRT Crash Course? Do a web search for...AVRT...you will see Rational Recovery / Crash Course....take the Crash Course right there on the website. It is free, and it gives a great perspective on Addiction Recovery.
I do NOT drink...and I will NEVR change my mind...the consequences are NEVER worth the RISK