Soberhope,
I was on chat last night and I did find your post. Keep coming back to this website, it has been a lifesaver for me. Also pray, it helps with perspective, and so does Sober Recovery.
"A failure at this"....that is just 'addiction-thinking'...you can get free from the defeated mindset...it took me enough 'failures' to realize that 'I' was working at getting free from the addiction, but the addiction-mindset and addictive-thoughts were coming from the addiction-corrupted part of my brain, and 'I' had to recognize these and dismiss them as just that...addiction-corrupted-thinking, which 'I' AM working at being free from.
It may sound like I am over-complicating this, but it is worked out in a very simple process on the AVRT / Rational Recovery website. If you have not done it..do a web search for ...AVRT...you will see the Rational Recovery / Crash Course...take the Crash Course right there on the website..it is free and it is an eye-opener.
I KNOW you CAN get free from any addiction, I am working on mine and the feelings of being completely defeated and a complete failure are almost completely gone.
Let me know how it is going...you working on you, helps convince me that I can keep working on me.