Newcomer here but not a newcomer to giving up.
Hello. I am 24 and this is not my first time trying to give up Alcohol, unfortunately.
I started around when I was 14 and it always makes me feel safe. As insane as this statement is I am sure you maybe will identify with me.
Now I have given up Alcohol so many times that my body can bounce back pretty quickly. I can be totally emaciated without the ability to eat or move or even drink because I will vomit it up. The next day I can be eating, cleaning and starting to think about how my life will move forward. This is a really worry for me. My psychology has not changed in such a short time. How can it? So now I really worry about apologizing to loved ones, buying healthy food stuffs again and getting on with my business...Because I am worried it will not last. Again. So I know something has to be different this time? I have to do things about recovering differently. I am just not sure what? What should I be doing?
I have always been skinny but right now I am severely skinny...You can see my spine and my hips and my elbows...
I have let down my clients on numerous occasions but need to press on otherwise I would have to move home.
I also think a lot about my ex boyfriend right now...He broke up with me because of my lifestyle...Not just my drinking specifically but everything about how reckless I can be...
I am just so scared right now...That my mind can change what it wants so quickly...One minute I can be why did I drink. I wont drink again. The next everything seems ok and I can hear alcohol calling me.
Whilst I have given up many times I would not say I would classify myself as a binge drinker...But really as a total Alcholic. The most I have stayed sober for is 6 months.
Thanks for reading. x