Oh hunny, as an alcoholic myself, one of my greatest fears is hurting my darling children the way your mum is hurting you right now. Please believe me when i say she probably hates the very ground she walks on, self loathing is an extremely common occurence. The shame she feels around her treatment and mothering of you runs deep together with the self hatred about not feeling able to to change. Have you considered going to her and telling her you love her unconditionally and won't leave without getting her into treatment? Just a thought, I really don't have the answers (wouldn't be here in the first place if i did) and perhaps i am just projecting what I would like from my family, for what it's worth. I wish you strength.