Originally Posted by
mmhoule 
I'm afraid. I'm tired. I'm lonely. And I am ANGRY... In my alcohol abuse struggle. I have been desperate to quit. I have a great family, but I am too embarrassed to ask them for support. I mean, they DON'T understand how hard it is to change such a habit. When I am away from alcohol I don't even think about it. I don't crave it. But I think I have developed a habit and I don't know how to stop it. I go to work everyday thinking, I can do this...no problem. I have started drinking AT work! DURING my shift. I LOVE my job and I don't want to lose it. I sneak it, all the time. Most days it's only 3-4 drinks, but it's ALWAYS until I at least get a buzz. That's when it's the hardest time to cut myself off. If I could just make it through even taking that first drink...I hate living like this. And I hate having this problem. I try to remind myself how great I feel on days when I hadn't had a drink. Even when we were on vacation, I didn't want it or think about it for over a WEEK. I felt awesome. I'm so afraid that I am going to have to remove myself from my job, just to make sure I am not tempted. And that disgusts me. Yes, I am disgusted with myself. Why do I have to have this problem?
I can COMPLETELY relate to you here...however i can say you have been very fortunate so far! I was caught at work once and they gave me a chance to do treatment and keep my job. I completed treatment and came back to work, however I wasn't treated! Within 6 months I was back at it...drinking at work. Trust me... eventually they will find out, or someone will smell it on you. You can't hide it forever. I was making over 6 figures and lost my job because someone smelled the alcohol on my breath. IT'S NOT WORTH IT! I was lucky to have a friend give me a new job, but it's at a fraction of the income!
It seems to me you realize you have a problem, and may have realized it before things got out of hand or you have hit rock bottom. For me it took losing my job and my fiancee before I truly committed to quitting.
All I can really do is share my experience and tell you that it's not worth it. Life will get so much worse if you lose your job because of alcohol. Not only will you have to go job searching in this terrible economy, but you will have to explain to new employers WHY you aren't currently employed. Not a fun conversation to have! Stick with us here at SR if you need some support. Go to AA and talk about it. You'd be surprised how many people will/can relate.
Feel free to PM me if you need to talk. I have some horror stories of going to work drunk and making a fool of myself!