3 months and A Couple Questions
I made 3 months. Everything has been going quite well. I do kind of have this nervous feeling in the back of my mind though like, maybe I'm getting too laissez faire(sp?) about the whole thing? Like drinking seems sooooooooooo far away. It was like another lifetime, a whole different person!
I think about it and Im like "that was my life???, no way..."
How did I survive?
Im afraid my brain is gonna forget I ever had a real problem and Im gonna think I can drink one night again, and then what if I go back there, to that nightmare? It doesnt seem possible right now, but I KNOW it happens, and that scares me!
A long time ago (30 years?lol) like 3 months ago I said I would quit for a few months and then celebrate by drinking on my anniversary(June) because I wasn't prepared to be done drinking for ever.
Well that doesn't sound like such a good idea anymore. Now that I have gotten a taste of health and vigor and youth and vitality, I find it hard to imagine getting through the day with a hangover. Uucckk! Dreadful!
Not to mention the fear that that one time would be soooo fun that I would decide to keep doing it!
Another thing Im wondering about is if it is normal to love being sober in general but getting intense feelings of "I AM SICK OF BEING STONE COLD SOBER ALL THE TIME"
I mean I spent over half of my years of living being stoned or high or drunk of off pills, weed, alcohol, and other random things. And now its just wow. Sober sober sober.
I dont know if I can go without SOME other feeling for the rest of my life???
Also, I have been going back and reading samples of years worth of messages on my facebook page and I am dying of shame and embarrassment from the things i wrote to people when drunk. Respectable people, family friends, etc. were subject to my stupidity and rambling. I feel soooo bad. Ugh. How could I have been so stupid!? And I can tell by the tone in them I thought I was being quite clever and hilarious!? Yuck. I wish I could erase them from peoples' memories. I wonder if it would make me feel better to go back and apologize or explain to those people? Or just try and forget about it?
Thoughts on these things would be much appreciated!!
Thanks!