Day 25 here.
I'm struggling with the stresses of home. My AV won't stop it's chatter the last few days. It keeps telling me that I'm not strong enough, that I'll never get anything done, that I'll be miserable, that I can't do it, that it is too much for me to handle.
Thoughts. I know my misery today comes from my thoughts. I woke-up and just thought that it was going to be a terrible day. And now, I'm convinced of it and feeling terrible. Why do I do that to myself??? I make myself miserable with the things I think all the time. Why do I wake up feeling ok some days and not others? Some days, the negative thoughts just seem to come and other times I wake up feeling positive.
But more importantly is what I'm going to do about it. I don't want to be swallowed by the waves of negative thoughts. I don't want my head to be a dark place I'm afraid of. I don't want to waste my day thinking stuff to make myself miserable. I guess that's a good starting place. I just have to act on it. And then 30 seconds later when I think something else bad, I have to act on it again.
I guess I need to really throw myself into recovery behaviors rather than allowing myself to sit around feeling bad anymore.
For now, I suppose I will find my planner and actually look at really scheduling some things in it. (Can't remember just now who suggested that, but I know I read it on here. Thanks.) Having a routine would probably really help me, especially since I pretty much work for myself and sometimes don't have much of a normal routine. It's easy to be busy doing things that I shouldn't be doing. Which turns my life into not what it should be. If I schedule some 'me' time in there, then when I'm stressed I'll know when I have to look forward to that I can unwind.
Day 1 I really couldn't have imagined making or sticking to a schedule. Or maybe the schedule just read: DON'T DRINK. But now, I actually do feel like I could start to PLAN stuff out and stick to it. So, that's something to be thankful for.
