Old 05-03-2013, 12:23 AM
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Quinne
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 346
Unhappy Step 4, 11 months sober & not feeling part of anything

Hi all,

Today marks my 11 month milestone of sobriety and working on my recovery. I've felt emotionally displaced and really fragile all week. I started my step 4 about 3 weeks ago and a repressed resentment came up on tuesday, to which I had an extremely physiological response. Thankfully, I made it to a women's meeting and talked the feelings tied to the resentment out, then called someone else and talked the actual resentment out. I still haven't shared it with my sponsor; she said doing it over the phone was possible, but it's preferable to do it in person. I actually had no idea I had it "in me" to be that angry while sober!

I am so out of sorts at the minute! I went to a meeting today and shared that I was feeling like I was mentally sitting alone on an island. I've been gravitating toward other women of late, and there was only one other there. I then caught up with Dad and bit his head off while at a local shopping centre because he can never hear properly and I had to keep repeating myself. I felt my buttons were being pushed, then apologised and described that what i'm going through right now is extremely taxing and confronting.

I'm fragile, but that doesn't mean I have to break!

I also went out for dinner last night with some old highschool friends (none of them know i'm in AA) and they kept asking how i've been and commenting on how well I look. I felt quite paranoid at the time I was hoping to talk to one particular friend about it, but there truly wasn't an opportunity to do so. It's not really packed-restaurant/dinnertime/group-type of conversation

I know I can't be alone in feeling alone and completely emotionally volatile being at this point in recovery-please share your experiences!

Xx
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