I understand What you mean lizatola, I think I too have made a lot of progress these past couple of months. I suffered with so much guilt all the time about saying NO to my AH. About standing up for me, for what I want, and for what I am comfortable doing or not doing. I think some of my most recent turning points have been standing up for my boundaries that I set. I didn't cave. I also find that I just don't yell and scream or freak out like I did. And I could FREAK OUT with the best of them. I find it's just not worth my time or energy. I may acknowledge he was out till 2 am, with a sentence the next day, but that's it, no more. Walking away, carrying on.
I also am finding that I am replacing the anger I had with more of a sadness for him. I have a life that has meaning without a substance, I am here to enjoy my kids and my life while he wastes endless hours in a bar. He is missing so much due to a disease that has taken control of his mind and soul and changed the man he used to be. It's very sad to me. But, I've fully realized there is nothing I can do for him. I'm sure I have more changes to come- just as you and all the others in this stage. But I must admit it's a good feeling to finally be detaching.