Originally Posted by outonalimb

I stood in the middle of that livingroom screaming at the top of my lungs. My hands were shaking. I felt my heart racing. I was afraid I might have a heart attack or stroke. I felt completely and totally out of control. And just at that moment, my son (who was 12 at the time) turned the corner and he looked at me with a look of real fear in his eyes. I had to run and lock myself in the bathroom. I dropped to my knees and surrendered. I realized that my exah's drinking and my battle against it was turning me into a very sick woman. And the one thing I valued most about myself...the fact that I'm a good, loving mom, was in question because my illness....my obsession with fixing him...my seething anger....were all getting in the way of my being the mom and the woman I know I am meant to be. At that very moment, I was forced to surrender for the sake of my sanity and the wellbeing and emotional health of our son.

The second most powerful moment was when I did my 4th step and then shared it with my sponsor in step 5. For the first time, I realized that I was not just a hapless victim of his choices. I was a willing participant. This realization didn't bring me shame. It empowered me. If I was part of the problem, then I was also part of the solution. My fate was not tied to his. This was a very freeing moment for me.