Thanks Lizatola, as always your posts help me reflect on where I am and bring further progress to my recovery.
I can relate to those turning points of realizing that I was crazy and insane, yelling and screaming to my A and to my kids because I was truly mental. One of my turning points came when I could talk in a quiet voice and separate who I was as a mom from who I was as a person trying to partner with an active A. Another turning point came when I realized that I could move on with my recovery, one step at a time and have a good life, whether my AH was in it or not. (I had already decided that active drinking was not going to be in my life.)
Still progressing, still recovering. Today was a turning point when what was supposed to be a calm discussion of responsibilities and organizing our lives and our children's lives turned into an anger throwing, yelling at me, telling me I'm always b*tching and I calmly said I am not a b*tch, I am a person and I am done, done, done with this interaction.
RAH is almost a year sober and recently opened up to me that he is working on finding himself. It's tough but not an excuse to dump on me and call all my wants and needs "b*tchin". I have worked through many of my shortcomings and readily admit to the times I was throwing my crap around but to keep resorting to seeing me as the b*tch is guaranteed to turn me around and out of here real soon.
As much as I would like our marriage to work, I am more concerned about gaining my own self back. I am becoming more aware of some constant demeaning that is going on from my RAH and if it doesn't change soon, I may have to change my path.
Thanks again and glad you are progressing with your recovery. Take good care.