GingerM

You might want to start with the Bill of Rights stickied up above. When you find yourself doing it, run through those rights and see if any of them fit. If they do, repeat that ones that fit, out loud, as many times as it takes.

For a very long time I used as a mantra "I have the right to not participate in the crazy making behaviors of my family." I still do. Even with my father in prison, when I go visit him, I have to repeat that one.

Another tool is to imagine the toxic person (or other perceived threat) as being a crazy person (some use the visual of a person inside an insane assylum behind a window screaming at them, I use the the visual of the homeless people I encounter who yell completely insane things at me when I'm downtown). Imagine them yelling the same things at you that you're hearing, then imagine how you'd react if it really were a crazy person yelling at you, but one you didn't know. I've found that this helps me both stay centered on me and find a shred of compassion for the person - after all, what a miserable life to be so angry, so threatened, so scared all the time to the point of having completely lost one's grip on reality.

In that place of staying centered on me (because it's not MY problem - I'm not the crazy one) and in finding the smallest slip of compassion for them, I find I can withstand quite a bit, being buffeted like tall grass in high winds, but after the yelling has stopped, I'm still there, whole and intact.

It can't hurt you to try it. It may or may not be useful, but it can't hurt to try it. And by trying it, you'll find power in your own ability to look at the scary things from a more self-possessed position.

Gin