Moot, I give you thanks for inspiring my new favorite holiday terms of "Grinchmas" and "Grinchy." :tongue3:
And that's a good idea about the bills. I was just talking to my mom last night about having all my bills sent to her house and then talking most of my pay check to her each time. My mom's not good with balancing a checkbook, but her and my step-dad have become very miserly and so I know my mom will help me to pay my bills on time so I won't have to pay late fees or re-connect fees.
I just have to make myself call all the places and change my address information so they start sending the bills to her house.
I've gotten so apathetic as of late, that I usually don't even bothered to take my mail out of the mail box (located right next to my front door). It'll go a week or two piling up until I finally grab it all and bring it in (or my mom has brought it in a couple of times when she's been over to let the gas company in and things). My mail lady probably hates me.
And then opening it is a whole nother' story.
So you are very right. If I can take a few small steps to get things set up that way, then it will save me a lot of stress and money too.
PEDAGOGUE: Thanks so much for the response! The abridged version works just fine for me. :-)
The thing with work was a HUGE victory for me. It's the first time I really stood up for myself when everyone else was telling me I was wrong. Normally, I would have sucumbed to the majority instead of my own knowledge, but this time God gave me the strength to stand strong and put my neck on the line in order to prove myself and to come out victorious. It was probably the biggest most impactful win I can ever remember having. I've been telling my co-workers and bosses for 2 years that I have a keen sense for understanding the law, but no one believed me until now. Now, everyone KNOWS that I DO know what I'm talking about and that I'm not the half-wit that management acts like I am.
As for my car issues,I pray everytime I get in it. I don't see how they wouldn't throw me in jail for having an invalid drivers license, no insurance and no tag. I'm completely driving illegally. I know for a fact that they can impound my vehicle because the impounded one of my ex's for a less. God has been on my side thus far. I've had countless cops and highway patrol officers behind me on the highways and at traffic signs/lights, but God has kept me from getting pulled over. So I will continue to pray constantly. I can't get my tag, the most noticable thing, until I get insurance. And I think I've gone so long on my driver's lisence that I will have to re-take the driving test...at least that's what everyone keeps telling me everywhere I have to show it. And I'm scared out of mind of the possibility of getting in a wreck, especially since I have to drive to the city every Wednesday and the 4-lane, fast driving just makes me nervious as it is. Making a list is a grand idea, but only in theory for me. I've made more lists than I can swing a stick at and I always have problems prioritizing and I usually end of getting overwhelmed by the shear volume of tasks or I just forget that I even have the list completely. I always feel guilty for not being able to check items off quick enough.
Right now I'm struggling so very hard just to get to work and back home everyday. Anything added on top of work is like trying to climb Mt. Everest right now to. This sinus infection on top of my severe depression, work demands and poor nutrition has just left me almost completely unable to function. I felt so bad Sunday that my mom, bless her, went to the store for me and brought some stuff I needed and then made me a glass of tea and a sandwich. If it hadn't been for her I wouldn't have ate anything that night or else I would have only ate chocolate bars, since they were within reach. I was so sick from my sinus infection and the week spent pushing myself at work that I could barely move. Actually getting up was just too painful. My mom has been a tremendous help to me through all of this. I just don't want to over-tax her because she's going through her own life struggles right now too. So I try to ask her for very little, but she said she would gladly write out checks for me and mail in my bill payments.
I'm not telling you guys this for pity because I am trying to keep the "poor, poor, pitiful me" outlook to a minimum, which God is helping me here to by showing me the things I have to be thankful for.
Like today, for instance, I haven't had a shower in 4 days, my face is seriously broken out and I have no make-up on...oh, and I stepped in doggie-do today and had a difficult time cleaning it off my shoe...BUT, I'm thankful that I was able to put on a clean set of clothes and go into work today, the latter being major accomplishments in my books right now.
But I'm journaling what my daily struggles feel like so that I can have it to look back on when I'm feeling better and maybe so that others might know they aren't the only ones struggling so deeply.
Any other sleep "routines" you or anyone else can suggest?
I kinda like using the words "looney" and "crazy" ...especially in a light-hearted way. My favorite saying at work is, "There's a method to my maddness." If I tell my co-workers this when they see one of my "strange" photos, then it opens the door for me to explain it. It still doesn't help me get my different, but award-winning, photos run with the stories they should run with, but now some of the reporters understand my side of the lens. And I can just do like I did last year and run them on a "year in photos" page so I can enter them in the annual contest by the Associated Press and hopefully win first place as I did last year...ultimitely proving my editors WAY wrong in refusing to one the picture that didn't make since to them. Okay, I got off onto a soap box hereMoot, I give you thanks for inspiring my new favorite holiday terms of "Grinchmas" and "Grinchy." :tongue3:
And that's a good idea about the bills. I was just talking to my mom last night about having all my bills sent to her house and then talking most of my pay check to her each time. My mom's not good with balancing a checkbook, but her and my step-dad have become very miserly and so I know my mom will help me to pay my bills on time so I won't have to pay late fees or re-connect fees.
I just have to make myself call all the places and change my address information so they start sending the bills to her house.
I've gotten so apathetic as of late, that I usually don't even bothered to take my mail out of the mail box (located right next to my front door). It'll go a week or two piling up until I finally grab it all and bring it in (or my mom has brought it in a couple of times when she's been over to let the gas company in and things). My mail lady probably hates me.
And then opening it is a whole nother' story.
So you are very right. If I can take a few small steps to get things set up that way, then it will save me a lot of stress and money too.
PEDAGOGUE: Thanks so much for the response! The abridged version works just fine for me. :-)
The thing with work was a HUGE victory for me. It's the first time I really stood up for myself when everyone else was telling me I was wrong. Normally, I would have sucumbed to the majority instead of my own knowledge, but this time God gave me the strength to stand strong and put my neck on the line in order to prove myself and to come out victorious. It was probably the biggest most impactful win I can ever remember having. I've been telling my co-workers and bosses for 2 years that I have a keen sense for understanding the law, but no one believed me until now. Now, everyone KNOWS that I DO know what I'm talking about and that I'm not the half-wit that management acts like I am.
As for my car issues,I pray everytime I get in it. I don't see how they wouldn't throw me in jail for having an invalid drivers license, no insurance and no tag. I'm completely driving illegally. I know for a fact that they can impound my vehicle because the impounded one of my ex's for a less. God has been on my side thus far. I've had countless cops and highway patrol officers behind me on the highways and at traffic signs/lights, but God has kept me from getting pulled over. So I will continue to pray constantly. I can't get my tag, the most noticable thing, until I get insurance. And I think I've gone so long on my driver's lisence that I will have to re-take the driving test...at least that's what everyone keeps telling me everywhere I have to show it. And I'm scared out of mind of the possibility of getting in a wreck, especially since I have to drive to the city every Wednesday and the 4-lane, fast driving just makes me nervious as it is. Making a list is a grand idea, but only in theory for me. I've made more lists than I can swing a stick at and I always have problems prioritizing and I usually end of getting overwhelmed by the shear volume of tasks or I just forget that I even have the list completely. I always feel guilty for not being able to check items off quick enough.
Right now I'm struggling so very hard just to get to work and back home everyday. Anything added on top of work is like trying to climb Mt. Everest right now to. This sinus infection on top of my severe depression, work demands and poor nutrition has just left me almost completely unable to function. I felt so bad Sunday that my mom, bless her, went to the store for me and brought some stuff I needed and then made me a glass of tea and a sandwich. If it hadn't been for her I wouldn't have ate anything that night or else I would have only ate chocolate bars, since they were within reach. I was so sick from my sinus infection and the week spent pushing myself at work that I could barely move. Actually getting up was just too painful. My mom has been a tremendous help to me through all of this. I just don't want to over-tax her because she's going through her own life struggles right now too. So I try to ask her for very little, but she said she would gladly write out checks for me and mail in my bill payments.
I'm not telling you guys this for pity because I am trying to keep the "poor, poor, pitiful me" outlook to a minimum, which God is helping me here to by showing me the things I have to be thankful for.
Like today, for instance, I haven't had a shower in 4 days, my face is seriously broken out and I have no make-up on...oh, and I stepped in doggie-do today and had a difficult time cleaning it off my shoe...BUT, I'm thankful that I was able to put on a clean set of clothes and go into work today, the latter being major accomplishments in my books right now.
But I'm journaling what my daily struggles feel like so that I can have it to look back on when I'm feeling better and maybe so that others might know they aren't the only ones struggling so deeply.
Any other sleep "routines" you or anyone else can suggest?
I kinda like using the words "looney" and "crazy" ...especially in a light-hearted way. My favorite saying at work is, "There's a method to my maddness." If I tell my co-workers this when they see one of my "strange" photos, then it opens the door for me to explain it. It still doesn't help me get my different, but award-winning, photos run with the stories they should run with, but now some of the reporters understand my side of the lens. And I can just do like I did last year and run them on a "year in photos" page so I can enter them in the annual contest by the Associated Press and hopefully win first place as I did last year...ultimitely proving my editors WAY wrong in refusing to run the picture on the basis that it didn't make sense to them. Okay, I got off onto a soap box here. sorry. (My editor refused to run another one of my "thought provoking" pics tonight so I guess this issue is fresh on my mind.)
Another piece of good news I got today was that apparently I've done well in our state Society of Professional Journalist's annual contest. One of our reporters is the contest chair again this year and she loves to torture us for the about a month and a half before the awards banquet, but she said that I HAVE to be there...and then she mentioned something about the photographer's portfolio catagory. (I won 2nd in the reporter's portfolio last year, so doing well in the photog catagory would be cool...especially since, because of the way she's acting, I think I got 1st).
As for the diagnosises, I know I can work with my docs, it's just that things don't ever seem to go as fast as I expect, or want rather, them to go. Weekly sessions of 45-50 minutes each just don't seem near enough for me. I guess I'm just becoming a "recovery junkie" and work and money issues just getting in my way of being able to work on my issues as much as I think I should be. I have to keep reminding myself of every Al-anon saying I can think of to keep me from getting over-whelmed most of the time. And then, of course, I have this neat little button in my head somewhere that I can push anytime and I can just ignore everything and forget for a while. The problem comes when I ignore something important (like the cut-off notice for my water).
Well, this has been a long response, but I guess I felt like jabbering a lot today. I'm still sick, but nothing like I was Saturday and Sunday.
PEDAGOGUE: This might help you...Whenever I'm writing a long response/entry, I continually select all my text and copy it (under the Edit function on the tool bar), then if something happens to my text, as it actually did a little bit ago, I can just go and hit "paste" and all my text comes back. I learned early on to do that because I kept loosing hours of thoughtful typing. OF COURSE, I don't think this tactic would work if all power was lost from the computer. I've also found that sometimes I can just hit the "back" button and it will take me back to a page with most of my text on it. I don't know if any of this will help you, but I figured that it can't hurt for me to offer my own experiences.
Anyway, I have an early morning appointment with my new shrink so off to home and bed I must go now.
I know I will be okay...actually I know I will be better than okay when this is all over, I just get pushed so far down into the barrell sometimes, that it's hard to see a way out at that moment, but with God's help I always float to the surface sooner or later. I just wish my brain could work on this level of productivity all the time...I could be nearly finished writing my book by now instead of only being on the 2nd chapter.
Oh well, I guess I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be. Another thing I have to keep reminding myself of.
Hugs and God bless,
Jenna
Yeah, I'm my sweet, loving self again today. It never takes me long to come back around.
