For me, its mostly been a series a of baby-steps and slow realizations. I've been very gradually lifting away the blinders, letting go of my denial and waking up to things I've just been outright blind too. (Having lived nearly my entire life under the same roof with an alcoholic, I'm finally seeing how little I know about how a "good" relationship is supposed to operate).
A couple of things that have helped me see what I've been avoiding--
1) reading through the Normies thread, I was stunned at how much of the that stuff I could relate to and 2) watching my husband drinking more than ever (although I don't literally watch him, because he almost never drinks in front of me cuz he thinks he's hiding it--THAT always works) after one of his oldest and closest, but deeply addicted and troubled, friends killed himself. Seeing him sink deeper and deeper into a behavior that helped destroy someone we both loved instead of running from it with everything in him finally made me truly realize that I'm dealing with something far beyond my power.