For me it was a mix of slow changes with big Ah-Ha Moments! One moment was when I decided that I was going to be happy, with or without my AH, no matter what, and I told him. If he drank, I was not happy. End of discussion....
Another was when I realized that I didn't have to participate in another argument with him about his drinking, EVER! It's the only thing we ever fought about and it was the same argument, over and over again for years. I finally set some boundaries, and NEVER looked back. He tried to start something, but I would not engage. After about the fourth time, he knew something had changed in me, and then EVERYTHING changed!!!