Endra, this is the exact message I was trying to get across yesterday in my first post on SR. Exactly why I cant quit. I know I have to because this DISEASE is progressing everytime I put it in my body. I am finding that I love that it feels really good. To be away for a couple days and just be fun. Ughh, I hear ya girl. Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll is all Ive known my whole life. It is the example in which my life was built. HOWEVER, I must find a way to ACCEPT that I am an alcoholic. I have to find a way to make that change and finding myself in the process. We can do it. I am to the point where I think Im ready to give it my all. Join me?