Originally Posted by
endra 
I cannot get sober.
I want to, kinda. Mostly. Sometimes. Usually.
It's hard enough to get sober with 100% committment to recovery. Your ambivalence is making something hard even harder.
I hope you read the posts here on SR. You might see yourself in someone else's story. You might see what happens if you don't quit...it usually progresses; and you will see the happiness many have found when they do quit.
I know how difficult it is to leave the things you are comfortable with, even when it's bad for you. But you can get sober if you work at it.