Welcome to SR LeLe.
I can certainly relate to how you're feeling. I never wanted to admit it or deal with it - so I ignored what it was doing to me. 30 yrs. I played with it, trying to manage the amounts I drank or control it in some way. It never worked - and when they say it's a 'progressive disease' they are not kidding. In the end, I was drinking all day, every day. I was completely dependent on it. I started out just having fun with it too - but it took over my life.
I promise you there's life after alcohol. You are thinking you'll be missing something, but that's not true. It takes some adjusting to the new way of life - but it's wonderful to be free. Glad you joined us and are looking at what drinking is doing to you.