I feel your hurt. I drank hard also for all of my adult life. From the age of 17 to 54. 70 Days sober today; my drinking pattern changed over the years. From every other day when I was much younger to 2-day binge drunks over recent years. I hated the anxiety and insomnia after my drunks. Congrats on recognizing your drinking problem at an early age and your current length of Sobriety. You are so fortunate to realize and able to do something about it now. Please go to my thread on Newcomers; it is titled, Have I been released from the power of alcohol? Will Power alone will not do this for you antoleon But if you want it bad enough, I know you will get it. You have already done the right thing in asking for Help. Stay Sober my friend, even if it takes one moment at a time. Peace and Rest too you.