Originally Posted by Sasha4

MLC - I wish I could make you see how skewed your thinking is, and I am an addict with an ED myself.

The thinking I am talking about is not your decision to leave, but when you post about your addiction and everyday life.

Can I give you one example?

In your last thread (I think) you talked about being confined to your bed all day on a public holiday because you did not have enough drugs due to your reduced prescription. You were in agony. I have no doubt you were not in agony.

But to me, and maybe I am wrong, you seemed to be angry not with yourself but with the fact you did not have enough drugs and what might have led to that - your doctor, the situation, I don't know. Almost like how dare you be put in this situation?

To be honest, if that were me, I would have been utterly ashamed that I had wasted a day in bed, in agony, due to my own actions. I doubt I would have been able to look at myself in the mirror. The fact my child had suffered because of me would have caused me great pain and self hate. Even if my partner had been there and entertained my child, that would not have eased my hatred of myself. I would of failed.

You never seem to accept your role in it all. Its always someone else's or something else's fault.
And you always seem to have it so much harder than everyone else.

I remember how you had a thread about rapid detox from benzo's and I replied that you should not question the medics and go with it with an open mind. Do you remember?

You told me that you were not the type to blindly follow medical advice without asking questions.
That got my back up if I am honest.
Because my immediate thought was well you obviously do not blindly follow medical advice otherwise you would have not abused valium in this way. Medical opinion was not important to you then yet it is top priority when you are coming off them?

Thats double standards.

I never posted that because I did not want to upset you, I just walked away.

I am trying to get you to see, not to upset you, but because I care.
And I do see similarities between my thinking and your thinking.
I want you to get better.

Children are very emotive subjects to us all, especially where addiction is concerned.
There are some members here that are desperate to share their very, very painful experiences about how their addiction has impacted on their kids.
This is to spare you the misery they have experienced.
You have to understand that any posts involving children, will illict strong emotions.

We can't all write posts saying 'there, there, its okay, it does not matter'.
That would make us all enablers.
It would make SR a fraud, no point existing.
And I don't really think thats what you want.

You are in a world of pain at the moment MLC.
Don't make any decisions now about leaving.
Get detox done, then decide.
You just need to put all your thoughts into that. That is top priority.

Above all else remember this has been written out of care, concern and with the hope you will become the person you want to be.

I hope you read this the way I want you to read this, not with hate or indignation.

My very best to you