I have been eating healthier and feel my negative thoughts fading. I felt like dirt earlier because I got sunburnt today and it made me feel damn for sitting in the sun like a fool. I keep a sober journal on my computer and I can look back at my black and white thinking. It's only been two weeks but I want to learn to love my self so I can have a wife one day. I am 27 and see peers marrying and Iwas just abandoned by a girl I dated and lived with for five years. I met her when I was drunk of course and it was not a healthy relationship. I'm just tired. I have gray hairs on the side of my head and I think I will ever get married and I just want to have a normal life. But I can only talk to girls when tipsy. Sorry to complain and moan. I just feel like a total loser bc I have no friends and hate my self. I just hope being sober will be a step toward me learning to love my self. I also am trying to three papers at once and I feel dumb as dirt. Thanks to SR I have not drank in two weeks. I like hearing the positive stories of people with long term sobriety. I just feel like my youth is over because all I do is isolate and read and write to make sure I don't go out and drink.