Change, I may seem like an old pro at this - but I drank for decades, & I was still drinking when I came here. I knew in my heart what had to be done, but it was so hard to let go. Not sure why, since all drinking brought me was misery. I kept reading and posting, and after awhile I finally 'got it' and now have 5+ yrs. sober. I'll never go back.
You can do this, we know you can. You haven't given up on yourself and you've kept reaching out - that's the important thing.