I hope you don't really leave, MLC. I want to see you on the other side of detox. I want to see you get through one horrific battle at a time. And they are all horrific and terrifying to you. I see that, because I am that.
A couple months ago, in a drunken fight, I stabbed my husband in the back. He is OK, thank God, and has forgiven me, thank God. But I was arrested and my kids were removed from my home for 10 days. I was also not allowed to have any contact with my husband or go to my house until the court case was over. It lasted 90 days.
In the meantime, Children Services has been a constant part of my life, and will continue to be, until at least September. They dictate what counseling I have to do, what counseling my husband has to do, what counseling my kids have to do. They drop in unannounced to make sure that my kids are not being cared for by someone who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, legal or illegal.
Yet the cycle continued. I crashed my car while driving drunk. Somehow I managed to get home and not get arrested. But while it was being worked on and I was driving the rental car a week later, I got pulled over and got a DUI.
Last week, I officially lost my license. But the cycle continues. I've also had some access to Vicodin, and have been happily abusing that as well. I am in complete denial, just as I feel you are.
I have also suffered from ED.
My first court case has been dismissed. My driving priviledges will be back in three weeks. Children Services will be out of my life in a few months. My DUI case will be over sometime after that. One. Foot. In. Front. Of. The. Other. There is nothing else that I can do. I am afraid of all of this legal stuff, and I'm afraid of the drugs and the alcohol.
I need you. I need to see you get better. I was so happy to hear that you were going to detox. I see some hope in your future. And when I see hope in your future, I feel like there might be hope in my future. Please don't go.