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Old 04-25-2013, 05:04 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Ptcapote
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
I totally get where you're coming from, Trubble. I did not have your past with the age difference or the sexual abuse but I did have some seriously troubled relationships in my past that I often went digging into after a few glasses (bottles) of wine. I also did it newly sober thinking, "Hey! Look at me all sober and able to resolve all my past relationship mistakes now." Most of the latter was simply a sense of loneliness, a desire for attention, and wanting to prove that I was better and could fix the past. Guess what? They were still jerks and now I was sober enough to see it even more clearly. So now I had the problem of getting rid of them again. Wished I had never contacted them in the first place as it added a hugely unnecessary and unneeded complication to my life at a time where I was very, very fragile. Plus some things just don't warrant the energy or effort of "fixing." Learn and let go, as they say.

Are you getting any other support besides SR? Have you tried AA or AVRT or some of the other recovery programs? I know that you are in the wilderness, so to speak (of course Americans think ALL of Canada is the wilderness ) but there are some great online meetings and groups. Just something to think about.

My sponsor said to me in the beginning that recovery was not only recovering from addiction but also a chance to peel back the many layers that drinking and lying had added. Scary stuff but also a unique opportunity to start over and get to know yourself again. Sounded awful at first but I am so glad I took her advice.

Anyway! Long winded reply but just try not to add layers right now---and this ex sounds like one big fat layer to me. Focus on you. It may seem selfish and scary right now but it will likely end up being the very best gift you ever gave yourself (and someone else when the 'right' person comes along when you're ready).

((Big Hugs))
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