Shutterbug: I had this great (long) response are typed up, and then I accidently dislodged my battery from my laptop, and my words went *poof* SO....you will now get the abridged version of my response.
:thumbsup: For how you handled your situation at work. You showed the initiative and ability to resolve that problem, which is a great step in the right direction. It is important to celebrate the small wins on your way to bigger ones.
Don't stress out over the possibility of being thrown in jail....it won't happen for your situation...HOWEVER, you need to work on getting some of those nagging problems solved. I think you should make a list and try and schedule when you are going to do each task.
I suggest you try and develop a "sleep routine" to better prepare yourself to make the most out of your sleep time. Your bedroom should be your sanctuary. You are there to sleep. Not read, or do anything else. Sex can be done on the kitchen table, I don't care.
Just like most people have a 'routine' i the bathroom before they go to bed, you need to extend upon that routine to the bedroom. Personally I find some light meditation works wonders. I have certain thoughts that 'ground' me and flush out all of that extra crap bouncing around in my head. After about 10 min or so, I can usually go to sleep easily. Everyone has a different approach, but the important thing is to find out what works for you.
As for your diagnosis.....it is good to put a name to some of the symptoms and feelings you have been having. Btw...loonyness and crazy are NOT clinican terms, therefore I stricken them from your vocab. As for your confusion about MDD and BP...from my understanding (take with a grain of salt, because I am not a licensed professional) you probably presented with MDD, but once your manic episodes kicked in, the diagnosis was switched to BP. The rapid cycling speaks to the frequency and onset of your manic episodes, and it seems to fit from what you have been describing. The other diagnosises (sp?) make treatment a bit more complicated....HOWEVER, now that you know what you are dealing with, you can work with your doctors and start working towards improving your overall well-being.
As for your doctors not fully understanding the effort it takes for you to get up in the morning, get dressed, etc....I think you might be partially right, and partially wrong. Marked ability to function 'normally' is one factor used to measure the level of impairment caused by the disorder. So it isn't that they don't believe you that it is hard....I am sure they know it is hard for you, but they probably initially thought that you were functioning at a highly level then was the case. The best thing for you to do....TALK TO THEM. Make sure they understand where you are coming from, and hopefully you can make some progress with some of those issues. For instance, for many people with severe MDD, getting showered and dress is a small victory.
I wish you continued improvement. I was all over the place responding to you, so if you have any questions, drop me a PM and I can further elaborate.
-pedagogue