Thanks for sharing your experience Mracoa, interesting to hear what goes on inside the head of a child of an alcoholic.
He tries to be affectionate with me but it took him years to learn. And he's still not up to the level of "normal" people. But I don't understand how sometime after talking on the phone with a friend he hasn't seen in a long time, he can say "I love you" when ending it, but he can't say it to his kids. He will joke and say, that's cause they said it first, but still, he said it.
As far as intimacy, he is after me 24/7. I've wondered if that's genetic, his dad had 11 kids,or if that's just another coping mechanism. His brothers all cheated on their wives constantly. But just talking about my feelings, when I'm down or worried, is just not gonna happen.
But what you said about your wife, sometimes I've almost felt like doing something like that so he would come out of that comfort zone too. When I told him he takes me for granted when I was angry one time, and that he better be glad I don't cheat, he said " I know, I see how men look at you", which tells me feels something about it, and I know he would be just like you, devastated if I did. So I can't...
But I think I'm going to have to, as you said, fight for it, cause something has to change...