My dad was the alcoholic. He was a very unpredictable drunk, sometimes jovial, sometimes mellow sometimes rageful. We never knew what to expect.
I've always hid my emotions. It was my way to cope in that situation. Try not to trigger Dad, just watch, stay out of the way and react to his mood as needed.
That has not served me well in my relationship with my wife and kids. Last year I came really close to losing it all. I'm still 'in recovery'. I may be for the rest of my life, but it will get better one day at a time. It took me almost losing my marital relationship to really appreciate what it means to me, and that I needed to step out of my comfort zone to feed it.
My wife also would 'never leave', but she was extremely dissatisfied, and it left our marriage vulnerable. She found some excitement and connection in other men (online sex chats). When I discovered it, I was devastated. I don't think she truly understands how painful that was for me. She didn't intend for things to go where they did. But she was bored, disconnected and as it unfolded she liked the excitement more than she feared the risk to our marriage.
Try to find a kind way to tell your husband that you need his attention and affection. Fight for it if you have to. And be willing to risk the marriage to get it. If you don't, then keep your guard up. Crossing boundaries when it comes to affection is a lot like the analogy of boiling a frog. If you drop the frog into hot water it will hop out. But if you slowly raise the temperature of the water the frog is in, it doesn't notice.