Thank you for sharing your experience Kialua,
Yes I think it's true, he's found a way of coping and it's true he would never lay a hand on me. He tells me sometimes that he really values me and is sorry he doesn't show it enough. I wish his relationship with the boys were better, but I guess I have to accept it. When they were small, I sat down with them and told them what dad had been through as a kid and that is why it's hard for him to hug and get affectionate, so they were understanding, but I know they need him sometimes.
I saw a book I wanted to get, but I haven't really read up to much except online. But this past year it's like I reached the breaking point, and I would never leave, but I just need to understand why he is like this. So I decided to find Alnon in my area, just looked it up, and I will go myself.
Thanks again!