Thank for your reply upandup, and for the hug, I needed it. :-)
I think my husband is a borderline alcoholic, growing up the way he did, all of the kids, and grand kids have a unhealthy relationship with alcohol. His dad didn't drink everyday, but he would drink for days at an end. I think my husband tries not to drink sometimes, he has tried to stop several times, but then he makes excuses and drinks again. Like his dad, he does not drink each day, but then,especially if he is stressed, he seems to end each evening with 2 large beers. Which is not a lot maybe, but enough to change his mood. I feel like he uses alcohol to cope.
As far as nurturing myself, thanks for asking. I feel like I've been walking behind him begging for the crumbs of his affection for 30 years, but I'm almost 50 now and had to realize that although I think he wants to change, he won't. So I went back to painting, I used to paint and draw when I was younger, so now that is my relaxing hobby.
I just wish I could get him out of his shell sometimes...